Communication Mistakes To Avoid When Discussing Sex With Your Partner

Good communication is required in every relationship, especially when discussing sex. Oftentimes, most couples struggle with such conversations because they feel embarrassed, fear judgment, or they do not understand each other. Poor communication may lead to frustration, discontent, or even emotional alienation. To help you have such conversations, below are some communication errors to avoid and some tips on how to build intimacy through open and honest communication.

1. Steering Clear of the Topic Entirely

One of the biggest mistakes is avoiding the topic of sex entirely. Many people believe that their partner should "just know" what they want, but no one is a mind reader. Unspoken apprehensions or wants can lead to feelings of resentment and misperceptions.

What to Do Instead:

Discuss the topic in an open-ended and inquisitive way.

1. Schedule a time to talk when you both feel calm and comfortable.
2. Use "I" statements to convey your feelings rather than accusations.

2. Blame and Criticism

Saying to your partner, "You never want to have sex," or "You're not turning me on" will have them defensive and shut down valuable discussion.

What to Do Instead:

1. Frame your concerns as shared objectives, such as "I'd love to sit down with you and discuss some ways to spice up intimacy."
2. Start by acknowledging the strengths before discussing areas for improvement.
3. Pay attention to your partner's side of things without cutting them off or belittling their emotions.

3. Bringing It Up at the Wrong Time

Talking about your sex life in the midst of an argument, before or after sex, or when one of you is stressed or exhausted can invoke a negative response.

What to Do Instead:

1. Find a neutral, non-sexual location to discuss.
2. Ensure that both of you are emotionally present for a honest discussion.
3. Express appreciation first before you mention change you would want to explore.

4. Being Too Vague or Indirect

Informing your partner, e.g., "I wish things were different," or "Something feels off" without specifying can confuse them and have them feel like they are doing something wrong with no idea what it is.

Be clear about your desires and needs. Instead of grumbling, "I want to be more intimate," speak up and say, "I would really like it if we could carve out some time for more cuddling and foreplay before sex."

Use nonverbal communication to show what feels good instead of talking about it.

5. Letting Shame or Guilt Control the Conversation

Most people feel embarrassed talking about sex for reasons of cultural or personal values. Not talking about it out of shame causes unnecessary tension.

What to Do Instead:

1. Make sexual talk a routine part of your relationship.
2. Acknowledge the awkwardness but move forward despite it with candor.
3. Be reminded that mentioning sex does not mean something is amiss—it means you care about building intimacy.

6. Not Actively Listening

Interrupting, brushing aside, or becoming defensive when your partner does speak up about their feelings may be a communication block.

What to Do Instead:

1. Practice active listening by repeating what your partner says to ensure you get it.
2. Ask open-ended questions like, "What makes you feel closest to me?"
3. Respond to their feelings even if you disagree.

7. Believing the Conversation Is a One-Time Deal

Discussing your sexuality shouldn't be a single event. With time, desires and needs change, and regular check-ins can create intimacy.

What to Do Instead:

1. Enlist sex talk as an ongoing relationship staple.
2. Check in on intimacy approximately every three months and see what works and what can be better.
3. Leave conversation light and fun rather than solely focusing on issues.

Final Thoughts

Sexual communication is the key to an enriching relationship. By avoiding these typical mistakes and fostering open, honest, and positive communication, you and your partner can create a more concrete emotional and physical connection. Be empathetic, be tolerant, and remember—great intimacy starts with great communication.